i permit you to call me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
