Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
