Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
