What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
