It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
