What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
