Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
