I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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