she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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