Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
