Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize