I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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