The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
