Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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