Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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