That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
