If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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