i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
