So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
