what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
