I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So apparently I’m into choking now
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