Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
