Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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