I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
