If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have already put on my inside pants.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
