She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
