Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
