i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
