Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
