would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
