I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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