And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My cat gives me a boner
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
