i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
a search helicopter?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
