i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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