i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
