Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
