don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
