Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
