i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize