Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
