I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
