wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
