I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize