I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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