Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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