Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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