I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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