his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
