She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
