Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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