Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
