he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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