i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
