Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
