you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
false alarm, still single
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize