I'm so fucking centered right now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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