If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
