so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
