Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
