Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
