Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
