every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
