Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
