I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
