No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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