well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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