If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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