so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Life is so much better after having sex.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize