mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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