I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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