Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
