I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
