This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sext me about skeletons
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
