Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
