It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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