the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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