I am spending my child support on dildos
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i need some magic done to my vagina
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
