Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize