her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She bit a glass in half.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
