i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
