yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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