I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
