:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
