hell yes lets make some ravioli
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
