Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
