I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
