We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So drunk its hurt
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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