I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize