This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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