Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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