Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize