I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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