He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
