i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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