I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
