I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
