apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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