So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
