There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize