Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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