I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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