Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
